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The 5 Most Stupid Spam Comments on Our Blog

One of the most valuable aspects of running a blog is opening up a dialogue with your readers through the comment section. Not only does it enrich any blog with extra insight from your peers, but it also gives you a chance to demonstrate your expertise by answering questions about the subject at hand.

At Grow we go out of our way to reply to all of the comments we can.

Here are just a couple of the sort of insightful, valuable comments we’ve received in our spam folder over the past few weeks.

1. Sakara Bears

“Their own bear “Sakara” is the best and doesnt have any preservatives so no bloating! Pool Bar is good hence no getting out of the pool.
From Ray Ban Wayfarer Designs”

Hi Ray,

We couldn’t agree more. Here at Grow we feel that every office needs its own bear. As you say, Sakara bears tend not to bloat as much as brown bears, but unfortunately, our office bear is a 390lb grizzly, who is particularly prone to bloating.

It’s becoming a serious problem for us. I swear I spend more time massaging that bear’s stomach trying to alleviate its gas than I spend actually doing any work. A serious drain on productivity!

Thanks for the heads up regarding the preservatives, though. Up until recently, we were feeding the bear a diet of concentrated sodium benzoate and formalin. Since adjusting its diet and cutting out the preservatives, the bloating has improved dramatically!

The point about the Pool Bar was mind blowing as well! Using an elaborate system of ropes and pulleys we actually force the bear into the disused pool behind our offices in the evenings. We used to just lock it in the office until one day it mauled the caretaker and the police got involved.

“Dangerous Animals Act” or some such codswallop!

Anyway, we’ve been looking for a way to make sure the bear can’t escape the pool for some time, and the Pool Bar is super effective!

Thanks so much Ray,

Kind regards, the Grow Team

2. Language Barriers

Mic Rooney

インターネットのホームビジネスを構築する際に情報過多は共通の問題です。あなたは定職週40時間働き、毎日の世話をする家族がいる場合は特に。あなたはどこから始めて把握するためにあなたが残っている限られた時間では、それは難しいかもしれません。

Preample: since publishing a guest blog about Chinese management styles, every single piece of spam we have received in that blog’s comment section has been in poorly written Japanese.

Hi there!

Thanks so much for your comment. I see that because our blog has “China” in its title, you assumed we were all Chinese and thought you’d impress us with your brilliant language skills! Wow!

Well, funnily enough, one of our team actually does speak Mandarin Chinese! And so we were really very impressed!

It’s just a shame you chose to reply to our “Chinese” blog in Japanese. An easy mistake – I know! It’s almost like all East Asian cultures are interchangeable or something!

Don’t worry, I know the feeling! Just last night I was at the local Thai restaurant ordering some sushi, when the waiter came along and couldn’t speak a bloody word of Tagalong!

Crazy, right?!

Anyway, thanks again for your comment, which had obviously in no way shape or form just been typed into Google translate!

Kind regards, the Grow team

3. We’ve Just Gained A Logo New Reader…A What!?

“wonderful points altogether, you just gained a logo new reader.
What could you recommend about your submit that you made some days in the past?
Any positive?
Casinospill.”

Hello Mr Casin Ospill,

Thanks for your kind words, I’m very glad you thought so. I sometimes feel that our logo just doesn’t get read enough.

In terms of submit, I’d recommend the days in the past that I made. I wouldn’t necessarily say they were positive though.

Thanks again Mr Ospill. Have a lovely day.

4. Playgamesflash

Spam folder

“Do ʏou havе a spam ρroblem oon thiѕ blog; Ӏ alsߋ am a blogger, and Ӏ wwas curious аbout your situation; maոy
oof us ɦave created somje nice practices ɑnd wе arе looking to swap techniques ѡith օther folks, whyy nοt shoot mee аan е-mail
iif interested.
Hi Playgamesflash,”

We’ve actually managed to stop the vast majority of our spam comments with our own unique method, which I strongly suggest you try out yourself. We had bought a genuine Native American dreamcatcher for the office a couple of months ago.

We were very pleased as it dramatically reduced the instances of demonic possession inside of working hours, so we thought it might help filter out some spam comments if we used it on the computer.

After cramming the dreamcatcher into my computer’s floppy disk drive with a screwdriver, we did notice that the amount of spam we received was heavily curtailed. Our IT guy keeps banging on about some anti-spam software called “Akismet” which he installed on the same day, but I don’t believe him.

He also said that the dreamcatcher “could have seriously damaged the machine”, but he’s always negative about that sort of thing. Just to be on the safe side I still stuff the dreamcatcher into my computer every morning anyway.

Better safe than sorry, right?

Anyway, please do give the dreamcatcher technique a go! I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised!

All the best,

From the Grow Team

5. Don’t Even Ask

From Klaus
“What a material of un-ambiguity and preserveness of precious experience regarding unpredicted feelings.”

Hi Klaus,

Sorry, what?

Kind regards, Grow Team

In all seriousness, it would pay dividends to install the Akismet plugin to help manage and block spam from your website. That’s what we’ve done, and we haven’t looked back since.

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